What about the success of others? Stop for a second and think about who your friends are. Do they determine how successful you are? Have you neglected your childhood friends for your new country club friends? If he/she isn’t dressed nice then certainly they can add no value to your life, right?
I watched this videoon Friday. And then I promptly watched it again.
This was one of my favorite quotes:
Most people make a strict correlation between how much time and love and respect they’re willing to accord us based on our position in the social hierarchy. That’s why we care so much about our careers.
Admit it you’re guilty.
Just the other day I was telling someone, “You know. I’m really frugal, I don’t need much money to maintain my lifestyle, it’s just that if THEY’RE (my peers) making it, I want it.”
Kinda shitty. Really honest.
The point is it’s time to redefine they way we think about our careers, and it’s critical we refrain from judging others based on theirs.
What if you had all the money in the world and never had to work another day in your life. What would you be doing?
…
Go Do That!
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Monica O'Brien says
August 10, 2009 at 8:11 amI said it in Carlo’s comments and I’ll say it again here. I don’t agree with this. It’s one thing to say we shouldn’t base our self-worth on others. It’s another to say we need to redefine success altogether, starting with our careers.
What about people who want to lose weight because “Most people make a strict correlation between how much time and love and respect they’re willing to accord us?” We all know physically attractive people do better in life. I don’t see how this has anything to do specifically with careers. It’s just the same old idea – don’t define yourself solely by how you stack up against others.
.-= Monica O’Brien´s last blog ..Should bloggers have a code of ethics like journalists do? =-.
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Carlos Miceli Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 9:53 am
To be honest I don’t think we disagree that much Monica.
Redefin does not mean to change. Maybe you and Jamie Varon, another person who disagreed on this, don’t need to go through this because you own your definitions of success. But many people don’t. I didn’t.
On the other hand, Jamie did made me rethink my idea of professional success as a separate thing of our personal success. It’s true that if you define success by yourself, then it’s all a big thing, there are no separate aspects.
.-= Carlos Miceli´s last blog ..Bold Career Move =-.
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admin Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 10:43 am
@Monica: So our society should continue to measure success based on how much money someone earns and whether they’re capable of living an abundant lifestyle? Let’s discredit middle-school teachers then shall we? Or nurses?
My little sister endures tons of scrutiny every single day because people say, “You’re so smart. Why would you want to be a public school teacher? You could be a doctor, change the world.”
She wants to change it, on her terms, on kid at a time, but because she wants to be a teacher it’s assumed her career is less valuable than a doctor? I don’t think I can agree with that.
I know too many people building marketing models and making pivot tables in excel because the $80K+ it provides them makes them successful, and they’re terrified of what others will say, think about them, etc. if they do what they really want to do. THAT has to change. That’s why we have to redefine the way we measure success. And that’s, at least for me, how the two ideas essentially connect.
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Susan Pogorzelski says
August 10, 2009 at 8:39 amI believe that success is, and should be, relative and personal — whether it be success in family, in career, in friendships — in whatever you choose. What I’m seeing more and more is this idea that we have to compare ourselves to others, that one person’s success depends on another, this measuring up against friends, family, colleagues, and even the extreme — celebrities. I’ve been guilty of it — it’s hard not to compare yourselves to others, to view success as a numbers game, to want something more, something better. That competition is healthy when it motivates you to work hard and do good. But I think there’s a harsher downside as well.
I think by constantly measuring yourself against other people, by letting their success determine yours, you’re negating what you’ve achieved, you own successes. And yes, you have them. We all do. Though when we compare it to others, it seems dim and insignificant. I think that’s the greatest shame.
I have so much more I could say, but I’ll leave my ramblings at that. Interesting post, Ryan — you’ve hit upon a topic that sparks a lot of thought.
.-= Susan Pogorzelski´s last blog ..You Gotta Be Still Before You Can Get Ahead =-.
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admin Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
All very salient points Susan. I agree that success should be relative, and just as important I think we should let respect other people’s valuation of success for themselves. I shouldn’t necessarily judge you and your definition of success because it’s different from mine. I think this is a practice our society as a whole has become inclined to participate in.
I also like your view of measuring yourself against competition as a motivation factor, but also the downside to that approach. That’s an interesting study in of itself. You and I might have a grip on what we want to achieve, who we can emulate to get there, but younger kids don’t. They’re watching our narcissistic celeb culture and imitating Britney, Paris, Lindsey, etc. — And now you have me on a tangent.
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Jackie Adkins says
August 10, 2009 at 10:04 amI measure my success by how many benjamins i have left over after I make it rain. In all seriousness though,I think some people are scared to say what they’d do if money wasn’t an issue because they’d realize that it’s far from what they’re currently doing. Personally, I’d probably like to set up my own business and/or teach. We’ll see how that works out 🙂
.-= Jackie Adkins´s last blog ..The Customer is Always Right…Unless… =-.
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admin Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 10:44 am
I measure my success on whether or not my ball goes past the red tee box on my tee shot. Oops.
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Jackie Adkins Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 7:44 am
If that’s your measure, then you’re a failure. Haha.
.-= Jackie Adkins´s last blog ..How to Double Bogey Your Marketing =-.
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rikin says
August 10, 2009 at 11:15 amI wrote a long post about success a while ago but I won’t even link to it today. I will send you this Ted talk that I included in it though, (I know how cliche):
http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/498
It’s by John Wooden where he discusses a few thoughts on success. His definition of success is one that I’ve thought about for a while now.
“Peace of mind attained only through self satisfaction in knowing you made the effort of doing the best of which you’re capable… trying to improve the situation that exists for you. I think that is success, and I don’t think others can judge that. I think it’s like character and reputation. Your reputation is what you’re perceived to be, your character is what you really are. I think your character is much more important than what you’re perceived to be, you had hoped that they would both be good but they won’t necessarily be the same.”
I try to measure success based on if something I did improved my given situation or that of others. Remembering to base your actions upon this definition of success is actually quite difficult.
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admin Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
WHAM. BAM. THANK YOU MA’AM (err. Sir)
I LOVE that Rikin. I think that’s a phenomenal way to define success. On your own terms, and whether or not you did something to improve YOUR situation. Whether it’s your job, your relationships, your weight lifting obsession that seems to fit the bill.
And I also really appreciate the difference in reputation and character. I had never really thought about it that way. I’m definitely going to adopt this. Thanks so much for taking the time to add value to this post (and my life) today.
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Stuart Foster says
August 10, 2009 at 12:31 pmI don’t have a ceiling. I just keep trying to climb the stairs of success and have the implicit understanding that at each level there will be another level to achieve/aspire to.
Just keep climbing. The rest should take care of itself.
.-= Stuart Foster´s last blog ..33 Kickass Ways to Get Your Blog Noticed =-.
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admin Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
I think that’s a great approach; one that certainly works well for you Stuart. I envision it being a strategy that a lot of high caliber athletes employ. Where I think the weakness in your approach lies is how it scales to people that have very different visions of success than you, particularly if they’re only measuring the success of their career. There are many people than want to halt the growth of their career to make way for the growth of a family, or other.
What then? Is is just a different ceiling? How do you measure all those different pieces together? Should we?
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Elisa says
August 10, 2009 at 1:07 pmI am SO about to get my geek on… 🙂
This is something I’ve struggled with as people talk about defining success more and more. Being a language major in college (oh yeah, rockin’ the Latin!) I knew that the etymological root of success is “succedere” which means to go to or follow.
I’m not sure when we started using the term to mean a way of measuring someone’s “worth” but in looking into it more I realize why we are so conflicted. By the mere definition of the word, our “success” is supposed to be based on how we follow.
I’m all for redifining the measurements we use…and I vote we start with the language we use to describe them!
.-= Elisa´s last blog ..Visit To The Meet Market =-.
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admin Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
And this is precisely why I love this community (and am UBER flattered so many smart people stop by this blog to contribute to my ramblings.)
I really like that you took a different approach from those prior to you here. Language is an important perspective to be comfortable/familiar with. If we’re confused from the onset (and language certainly has the ability to do that), then you’re right, how do we encapsulate what we’re trying to say so that we can unpack the intricacies in such a way that make sense?
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Elisa Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Haha, well I’m uber-flattered that my etymological ramblings would qualify as the comments of “smart people.” 🙂
I’ll start by saying I think I may have crashed the TED site sending your link and then Rikin’s to my sales people. I kind of feel weak saying anything to describe anything after Wooden’s video, but here goes…
In keeping with the language route, I’d like to re-introduce the word laureate into our vocabularies. This is something that used to be used a lot (as laurus or laureatus, to crown with laurel) and it was awarded to people as they posted achievements in various fields (most notably in our times the Olympic games and Nobel Prizes.) Laureate can be used in both noun and adjective forms per the Meriam-Webster folks…
I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out how it would be used in the same way as success, but am drawing a blank. How’s that for some rambling…did I lose my “smart people” points? 😛
.-= Elisa´s last blog ..BlogCrush – Jenny Blake =-.
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Anita Lobo says
August 11, 2009 at 6:17 amHi Ryan
I completely agree with Elisa’s observation about re-looking at the way we understand and speak about success.
Most comments on success imply its is about getting ‘up the ladder’ bigger, better things etc
We’re all still emerging from an old command-control-winner takes all way of thinking: which implies some people have to lose in order for other to be perceived successful.
I don’t discount the importance of reaching goals, but have an issue with straitjacketing what success is – at a personal level and how that ripples through society.
Is a spiritual teacher more/less successful than the world’s richest man?
[Success vs influence — don’t get me started! :)]
If someone chooses travelling to every country of the world as their ‘success benchmark’ is he less successful than someone who gets to travel to many countries as a part of his job/ lifestyle as an artist or a businessperson.
We (including me) like to impose our view of success on everyone else, but don’t want to be judged ourselves!
My personal list of success benchmarks, currently has this on it:
Did I fulfill what today’s must dos are?
Did I give or receive something unasked?
Did I play/ experiment with something new today?
What did I learn and share thats not work-related?
Have I created something for tomorrow?
Was I joyful today?
I’d rate as successful, the day’s there are more ayes to these questions.
Thank you for bringing about this discussion.
Cheers,
Anita Lobo
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Jake Rosen says
August 19, 2009 at 2:24 pmIf it comes down to a fundamental question of how we measure success then I don’t think that can truly be answered. Our personal measures of success will changes based on the zeitgeist and our current phase of life. My measure of success now, in my mid 20’s, is much different then when I was 14. It will also be much different when I’m in my 30’s and have children. Just think about what it will be when I’m 75. I have no idea and I guess thats my point. Developing an established measure of success is somewhat pointless in my mind because it is destined to change several times over. Ultimately though, because we are social beings I don’t think we can avoid measuring success from both internal and external forces.
.-= Jake Rosen´s last blog ..Harry Potter is like Social Media =-.
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marci says
August 21, 2009 at 5:50 pmWow, this post calls my bluff! I definitely compare my own success with others and make sure it’s ‘fair.’ Like if I have more longevity with a company, I want the newer people to not be making the same wage as I am. So it’s a constant comparison for me. How do you unlink the two? How do you let go of others’ success and only measure your own?
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