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I’m a huge nerd for personal development. Consequently, I’m a member of a mastermind group full of people smarter and more talented than I am.

Recently, one of the members said: “This week I personally have not been performing the way I normally do. I wonder how you other members get back on track and refocus when you have fallen behind on your goals?”

I started reading through the answers, all of them solid:

• Shit happens. Take time to relax. You don’t always have to be a top performer.
• Steer into the skid. Give yourself permission to continue the ‘bad’ behavior until X. Then get back on track.
• Money motivates. Use sticck.com to keep you honest about your goals.
• Involve others. Get an accountability partner. (I have one of those. Hi Eric!)

All good advice, right?

And yet there was one answer that blew me away. So much so that I read it… twice. Then bookmarked it. Then asked her to re-purpose her answer so I could share it with all of you.

The following is Kim‘s answer to the question: “How to Refocus Yourself When You Hit a Snag?”

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It’s winter and cold, and your bed feels so warm. . . so you sleep in rather than hop out of bed to get a workout in before dawn. Or your girlfriend’s car breaks down, adding stress and unexpected financial strain to your life. You start feeling that familiar pull towards guilt, discouragement, despair. You’re slipping again, wandering off-target after all your careful planning and dedicated work.

We all go there from time to time. When you find yourself in that place, here’s what I want you to remember.

1. You are a human. Be kind to yourself. Always.

Extreme weather affects you — heat, cold, we humans to respond to different weather. It’s ok. Take steps to feel cozy, as much as you can. Let your body feel safe and secure. Decide to give yourself little gifts that support you: maybe plan for an extra hour of sleep, or enjoy hot shower, or take time to paint your nails (that kind of slow, focused attention can be very calming for me!). Maybe invite your fiancé to cuddle and tell him all the reasons you love him and are happy to be marrying him, to have him with you along the journey of life. . . no matter what.

2. Be compassionate. Give yourself love and comfort.

Go easy on yourself. No need to beat yourself up. Love and comfort restore us. Being compassionate with yourself means you spend less energy on inner conflict. And you enjoy the journey more. Note that joy is very motivating, and energizing.

3. Connect with desire.

Every goal has a red hot kernel of desire within it, some reason why it matters. If it doesn’t, it’s probably the wrong goal. Even if you’re not taking action — skipping the gym because the car is in the shop, or the weather is really, truly, horrible — connect to the feeling of desire within the goal. Why does it matter? Go deep.

Note that desire is a motive force — it moves us, it drives us, it inspires us to action. So reconnecting with deep desire may help you see a creative and alternative path to the goal. Maybe you sleep in and skip the gym, but remind yourself that sleep is healing and keeps you healthy and well. Maybe that’s what you need today. Connecting to desire may also make other choices less appealing — so you’re not interested in the extra fries, or eating the entire box of cookies (oh yes, I have done this!).

4. Relax in the face of reality, and all arising conditions.

Life offers you unexpected and unplanned-for events. Relax. Acknowledge the challenge. A calm state is a better place for making decisions. Maybe adjust your course. Maybe the plan and goals need to now account for this unexpected circumstance. Relaxing in the face of challenges helps keep you out of the spiral of despair.

5. Be a good friend to yourself.

Imagine a friend is heading towards a destination, but stops along the way. Maybe to rest, maybe to get their bearings, maybe to re-check the map to see if it’s a place they still want to get to. How would you talk to that friend? Would you yell at them, and call them names? Would you beat them up for taking a break?

Probably not. Yet we tend to treat ourselves that way.

Be willing to extend the same kindness to yourself as you would a dear friend. When a friend is lost, you extend a hand and gently lead them back. It’s the same with refocusing when you feel stuck, stalled, or derailed. You simply notice, and bring yourself back with kindness.

It might feel strange at first, but give it a try. And see what happens.  

 

 

Kim Nicol, J.D., teaches top-performers how to meditate. She has a knack for making meditation accessible, relatable, and practical for people who are grounded in modern life. She has successfully introduced meditation and applied mindfulness to engineers, data scientists, and attorneys. Connect with Kim at kimnicol.com

 

 

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Photo Credit: Len.- via Compfight cc

I’ve been thinking a lot about education lately. What we wished we would’ve learned and how we can change education paradigms.

Julien Smith wrote an excellent post yesterday: “Future Kings and Paupers: Why Making $1,000,000 is Only the Beginning.” It explores how an emerging class of people are using a complex understanding of systems and games to effectively “hack” their lives in a way that invariably leads to financial and career success. Success on their terms.

He asks important questions:

How can you tell if someone can be a leader, or if they’ll be successful? How can you tell if they have initiative, or if you can trust them?

The answer isn’t:

• What college did they get their degree from
• What their GPA was
• How many followers they have on Twitter
• Where they think they’ll be in five years

Here’s his answer:

Challenge them.

Ask them to do something unusual (like a bet). Or, question the way they’re doing things and see how they react to a totally different method of thinking.

Their reaction is based in their ability to deal with change and experimentation, and the ability to experiment is directly related to their real-life success.

The basic difference is whether you are willing to test your environment and lead an experimental life. And it is a trait that is taught to us by our environment– by games, by seeing other people doing it, and by seeing inefficient models of reality (such as school=success) that we can choose to avoid.

It sounds a lot like their ability to use strategically use divergent thinking is key to overcoming these challenges.

Julien’s clearly onto something, but I want add a few things to the discussion:

The challenge matters

It has to be compelling and it typically has to align with someone’s passion. Challenging Tim Ferris to put on 35 pounds of muscle in a month is a lot different than challenging Chris Guillebeau to see if he can climb P&G’s corporate ladder in 5 months time. Tim cares about body hacks; Chris cares about unconventional ideas for life, work and travel. In his mind Chris has likely already overcome that challenge by not having to climb any corporate ladders this year.

There’s an inherent attribute at work among the emerging class

Maybe it can be learned. Maybe we all have it within us as children and our current education system strips of us it along the way in our effort to regurgitate facts and formulas that probably won’t matter in a job interview, in a group project, in a public speech.

Those of us writing online blogs, participating in Twitter chats, traversing the country, living location independent, eating Paleo diets, etc. are typically the exception to the rule. A vocal exception at that.

The vast majority of people are content not raising their hand, don’t have the foggiest idea what an RSS feed is, haven’t left their state, are overweight, and would be completely opposed to the notion of challenging inefficient models and leading an experimental life. They might not like that cubicle, but it’s comforting in there and that paycheck comes every two weeks. (At least until it doesn’t.)

What trait do they seemingly all possess?

You’ve probably guessed it by now.

Unrelenting Curiosity

It’s why Ramit has a whole team behind the scenes split testing the hell out of copy and scouring through advanced metrics of every e-mail he sends out as part of his Earn 1K course.

It’s why Chris Brogan knows exactly which posts will get the most views, re-tweets, and comments before he ever hits publish.

It’s why Ted started running barefoot and Christopher McDougal set off to Mexico to learn the secrets of the Tarahumara.

It’s why we use tools like Crazy Egg.

It’s why some people are never satisfied, have an insatiable desire to continue learning well after their formal education is over, surround themselves with like-minded people, and find themselves pursuing something they’re passionate about. That’s when the expertise comes. That’s when people become happy. And that’s when they’re ultimately successful.

Maybe you can tell by watching them navigate a waterfall, but I’m not certain they’d even get in the boat without unrelenting curiosity.

How had curiosity played a role in your own education? Does formal education strip us of our curiosity? How can we cultivate it? Who do you know that is ridiculously curious? How has it impacted their life?

I think Julien’s sparked an important discussion and I want all of you to be part of it (if you want). How do curiosity, the notion of challenge, systems and games, inefficient models, and education all intertwine? I’m curious what you have to say.

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At least that’s what some some people would have you believe. Sure there’s some of them out there who shove that mindset down your throat faster than a small school pundit trying to convince you their team is a viable national title contender, but then there’s people that bring a lot of value to the table: Sean Ogle, Colin Wright, Cody McKibben, and others.

But here’s the thing…Just because those guys are living their dreams doesn’t mean you can’t live yours inside the walls of an 8 by 8 cubicle.

There’s nothing wrong with ‘working for the man.’ There’s nothing wrong with living a safe, comfortable life that enables you to provide for your family. Especially if you enjoy your job and like said lifestyle.

Yes, people tell you what to do.

Yes, there’s a chance you might get laid off during a recession.

Yes, there’s usually set hours you have to abide by.

But guess what? There’s disadvantages to being location independent as well. What do they fall back up on when a revenue stream unexpectedly dries up? What happens when a relative gets really ill and they have over 24 hours of travel time to get home?

And most importantly, what happens when they sand in their crack from sleeping in a hut on the beach?

And I’ll let you in on a little secret about working for the man…

… You’re still your own boss.

I work for ‘the man.’ In fact I work for the state of Texas, but that doesn’t stop me from intricately weaving MY system into THE system in way that’s conducive to my long term success.

My boss gives me projects to work on, but I dictate how well they get done.

My paycheck is the same every two weeks, but it’s more than enough for the simple things I need in this life.

I’m not traveling all over the world, but I am building rapport with co-workers and countless other people who could invariably impact my career later on in life.

The point is: I am happy. Really happy.

Lifestyle design is sensationalized online because so many people use the web as tool for their location independent success.

But go to a chamber meeting at your local town hall and ask for a show of hands if they’ve ever heard of lifestyle design.

If you’re happy then you don’t necessarily have to worry about writing your first ebook or earning affiliate commissions. Remember that you manage your career, and that ultimately you control your path.

And if you are unhappy, then don’t discredit what those guys are doing. Learn from them and find the lifestyle that best suits you — whatever that may be.

*Thanks to Elisa Doucette, Ryan Knapp, and Scott Hale for inspiring this post.

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